The On-Fire Marriage Blog
Thoughtful conversations and practical wisdom on life, leadership, marriage, family, faith and purpose. Written to help you lead well, love deeply and live intentionally in every season.
The Formed and Forming Self
Part Three — Family, Work, and the Build That Outlasts You
Last week, the first domain: Love — the self that is loved before it loves anything in return. This week, two more. Family, where the build is handed forward. And Work, where the build meets the world.
The Beloved Self
Part Two — Love and the First Domain of the Relational Three
Last week, a ten-year-old opened an Apache helicopter kit and a father stood very quietly at the edge of a workbench. We landed on this: you were known before you were built. Now we look at where the build actually happens.
Birth of a Model Builder
Part One — The Apache, the Workbench, and a Father Who Watched
There is something almost mythological about turning ten years old when you are ten years old.
It is not merely a birthday. It is a threshold — a crossing over. You are no longer a single-digit child subject to the indignities of being called little. You are, by the irrefutable mathematics of the calendar, officially a double-digit human being. A grown-up. A force to be reckoned with.
At least, that is what I told myself on the morning of my tenth birthday. And I was completely certain of it.
Three Lessons from the Mound
Part Four: Three Lessons from the Mound
So let me bring us back to the diamond, and to the three lessons that were planted in me that week — lessons I did not fully understand until I became the father and the coach, the teacher and the mentor, that I was apparently destined to be.
The Story You Tell Yourself
Part Three: The Narrated Self and the Embodied Self
Last week we sat with the first domain — the self that God declared beloved before it had done a single thing worth loving.
This week, two more: the self you narrate, and the self you live in.
From the Mound to the Mirror
Part Two: The First Domain of Identity
Last week, an eight-year-old threw his first strike and felt like he was flying. Welcome back.
Now comes the part of the story that took me decades to understand.
Triumph of a Little Leaguer
Part One: The Assignment That Made My Stomach Drop
Last time, I promised you stories. I told you we would begin where I began — on a Little League pitcher’s mound, eight years old, about to learn something about who I was that would take me decades to understand. So pull up the chair.
Here is where it starts.
The Four Seasons
Part Three: Why the Question Keeps Deepening
So far we have named the question — “Who am I, really?” — and we have laid out the map: nine domains, three rings, one person. But a map drawn flat on a page is missing something the territory always has. Time. Seasons. The truth that you are not walking this map once; you are walking it your whole life long.
The Map: Nine Domains
Part Two: Three Rings That Hold a Whole Life
Last week I made you a promise. I said the question “Who am I, really?” is not a problem to be solved but an invitation to be accepted — and that I would hand you a map for the territory it asks you to walk. Welcome back. Pour another cup of coffee. Here is the lay of the land.
Who Are You, Really?
Part One: The Question That Won't Leave You Alone
Somewhere around 3:14 in the afternoon — always 3:14 in the afternoon, never any other time — a question shows up that you did not invite and cannot quite dismiss.
It arrives between meetings, or in line at the grocery store, or somewhere between the second and third sip of coffee. Sometimes it shows up at 3:14 in the morning, which is rude. The question is some version of this: