Who Are You, Really?
Part One: The Question That Won't Leave You Alone
Somewhere around 3:14 in the afternoon — always 3:14 in the afternoon, never any other time — a question shows up that you did not invite and cannot quite dismiss.
It arrives between meetings, or in line at the grocery store, or somewhere between the second and third sip of coffee. Sometimes it shows up at 3:14 in the morning, which is rude. The question is some version of this:
“Who am I, really?”
Then, because the question is uncomfortable, you do what every reasonable adult does. You make a list. You check email. You promise yourself you will think about it later, ideally on a vacation, ideally one you have not yet booked.
I have spent more than thirty years sitting across from people — in military uniforms, in conference rooms, in marriages on the brink, in church pews, at kitchen tables — watching that question do its quiet work. I have asked it of myself plenty of times. And I have come to believe two things about it that I want to share with you before we go any further.
First, the question is not a problem to be solved. It is an invitation to be accepted.
Second, you do not have to figure it out alone, and you do not have to figure it out all at once.
This piece — and the ones that will follow it on this blog — is my best attempt to hand you a map. Not a finished map. Not a map that will keep you from ever getting lost. But a map that names the territory you are walking through, so that the next time the 3:14 question shows up, you have language for what it is asking.
Why Start With Identity?
Because everything else starts there. Whether you realize it or not.
The way you handle money. The way you show up in your closest relationships. The way you respond when the career path you planned takes a hard left. The way you treat strangers, raise children, age, grieve, celebrate, rest. All of it flows from a deeper question you may not have consciously answered: who do you believe you are?
Most of us, if we are honest, have answered that question without thinking. We have absorbed an answer from culture, from work, from family of origin, from the loudest voice that happened to be in the room at a formative moment. And then we have spent the rest of our lives living out an identity we did not actually choose.
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
— Ephesians 2:10
The Greek word translated “handiwork” is poiema — the same root from which we get the word “poem.” You are not a problem to be solved. You are a poem being read into the world. The Author already knows the cadence. Your job is not to invent it. Your job is to discover it.
That is what this blog is for. So before we walk a single step further, settle that one truth in your chest: you were authored on purpose, by Someone who knew the whole poem before the first line was ever read aloud.
“Identity is not a problem to be solved. It is an invitation to be accepted.”
NEXT WEEK · PART TWO
If you are a poem, what are the lines made of? Next week I hand you the map itself — nine domains, arranged in three rings, that together hold the whole of a human life. Bring your coffee. Some of these are going to sting in the best possible way.
The map is not finished, and neither are you. That is not a problem to be solved. That is the whole point — and we are only just beginning. I will see you next week.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Nate Parsons is a life, leadership, legacy, and marriage coach and mentor with over 30 years of leadership experience spanning military, ministry, business, and personal development. He and his wife Noemi are the founders of S3 Leadership Solutions and On-Fire Marriage, dedicated to helping people across every life stage discover and fulfill their God-given purpose.
